The culmination of my high school years would end in the ‘96-’97 school year. I was involved in everything I could be: basketball, track, band, choir, acting, etc. God was working through all of it, even in the area of women.
I had met a girl at Bible camp during the summer that really loved God. It was the first person in my life (my age) that really loved the Lord and I was attracted to that devotion. We only went on two dates, but from then on, I really knew I wanted to marry a woman that was sold out for Jesus.
High school ended, we broke up and I was off to UND, the biggest university in the state. I kind of always assumed I would find my future wife in college. I heard my parents’ story so many times of how God brought them together. So, I expected my freshman year to be one of finding my soulmate.
I didn’t, in fact, I didn’t even go on one date. It may have had something to do with always wearing a $6 leather jacket from a thrift store (that I still have) and being attached to a guitar. Or, maybe it was that I had long hair and an ever changing beard and sideburn trim. Whatever the case, God kept me from any type of relationship that year.
I got involved running and setting up sound with a church plant that started at a bar. I loved it and felt a part of the band. I also got involved in Campus Crusade for Christ, and for the first time in my life, was living near and getting to know a hundred or more christians my age.
It was an amazing time, but something else was taking off… the internet.
Although the internet has changed the world in many ways for the better, it’s also brought pornography to us with the touch of a button.
The university had huge computer labs (because computers were expensive) where any student could use a computer, but that kind of stuff was pretty well blocked. Unfortunately, one of the four guys I shared a bathroom with in the dorms had a computer.
It was like a gateway into temptation. We spent countless hours playing games like Quake and Warcraft. We chatted with people all over the world, and we had direct access to pornography.
It was way too easy. Before, it was a temptation, but for the most part you couldn’t act on that temptation. Now, it was a few keystrokes and you were there: Countless sites, countless women, and all being objectified and lusted after by countless men.
When I think about where I was at spiritually, it’s so sad. I was really pressing into God, but my addiction was separate from that. It’s like I was saying, “God you can have it all… except this part.” I knew it was wrong, but I was developing a cycle where I’d come back to it like a dog coming back to its vomit (Proverbs 26:11).
I was a fool. I justified my addiction. I made excuses. I didn’t get help, and really didn’t see the need for it. In many respects, I was lost. I would not bring my sin into the light, and so it grew bigger, worse, closer to death. My heart was stone and yet, God was walking with me all the way.
He was pursuing me. He loved me, and deep down in my soul I knew that. Then came Sophomore year...
Hi! We're the Hoeckles.
We're a family of six living full-time in a skoolie (aka a school bus converted into an RV). We are inviting you to join us as we live life to its fullest and empower others to do the same. Welcome to the family!